We live in a fast culture, at least in the United States. It feels to me as if we do most things fast – eating, emailing, working, errands, conversing – and we’re multitasking much of the time, all in the interest of getting more and more done. (I’ll bet if we could sleep faster we would.) Everyone I know seems to be always on the move except those few who are retired. I feel as if many of us are racing against time during our waking hours.
What are we trying to accomplish? Where are we racing off to? What are we wanting and needing? Is all of this fast doing giving us what we want and need?
These are my questions as my friend and the director of Creative Transitions, Jean Meier, and I prepared for one of our online events.
I’ve had the good fortune to study mindfulness and meditation with two top teachers, John Welwood, Ph.D., and Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. Welwood’s work on the healing power of unconditional presence has become embedded within my being and my life through many years of retreats with him. And from one retreat with Jon Kabat-Zinn and many readings of his books, I learned the value and power of slowing down and paying careful attention to whatever I am experiencing, in the present, even in the midst of my very busy mind and every day life.
The teachings of both Welwood and Kabat-Zinn focus on each of us listening to our inner selves in a deep way, and to extend that listening out to others with whom we interact. Even through years of mindfulness practice I still find deep listening, to myself and others, a challenge which lands me on my learning curve and creative edge.
We have now held two similar sessions on Zoom. In the first session one person shared her struggle with a career related question and decision. We practiced mindful listening with her, not problem solving, not trying to “fix” her or her situation, not trying to come up with answers. We just listened. When we spoke, it was to simply give her our observations. And we listened again. This allowed her the space and the silence to listen to her own deeper feelings, wants, and needs. During this process, she said she experienced the beginning of an inner shift and opening to the direction she intuitively wanted to follow. And the rest of us could see the difference, mostly in her face. When she had talked about not allowing herself to develop a new and different program in her work, she appeared sad and tense. But when she spoke of her creative ideas and how she could weave them into her own private groups, her entire face lit up and she was energized and seemed more alive.
Observing and being a part of this kind of deep shift and opening with another person felt profound for the rest of us.
During the second session we had time for three people to speak of an issue about which they felt a mix of difficult thoughts and emotions – confusion, fear, not knowing, trying to know, thinking they knew, fixating on solutions, etc. Again we practiced just listening, even when there were moments of silence, for it was in the silence that the speaker was able to listen to herself, for whatever might be emerging in each present moment. We listened when the speaker appeared confused or upset, even if we had thoughts of jumping in to ask a question, to encourage or comfort her. Each of us practiced quietly noticing our own thoughts and emotions in the background of our minds while we continued to listen intently.
Afterwards each of the speakers noted they felt clearer and truer to themselves and what they wanted and needed in relation to their situations.
One of us marveled at how simple it felt to just be present with a problem which had previously felt immovable. “Nothing to do but just be with it. Something just opened,” she said, with her face beaming now that she had uncovered a deep truth about her life which had been buried somewhere inside her. Now it was out and she no longer felt weighed down. She felt freer to make a decision which was inherently, deeply right for her.
Isn’t this what each of us really wants and needs? To make choices which align with who we really are and to move towards those choices, in our lives at home and at work. And what kind of world would we have if we all just followed our truest, deepest paths in this world?
Join us for our next Mindfulness programs.
The mission of Creative Transitions is to provide support for mid-career individuals who want to bring innovation, creativity and meaning into their work in the service of creating a world we all want to live in.
Michele Naphen is a licensed clinical social worker in New Jersey who teaches mindfulness in the mental health world and through Creative Transitions.
All images are the work of Jean Meier.